The Phrases shared by My Dad That Rescued Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"I think I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of being a father.

Yet the truth quickly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The direct statement "You are not in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a larger inability to talk between men, who still hold onto harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a pause - spending a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when he was younger to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."