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When I was a teenager in the 1990s, officials appeared to think that income inequality based on sex was best addressed by advising females that anything was possible. Bold, bright pink advertisements convinced me that structural and social impediments would crumble before my self-belief.

Experts have since refuted the belief that a person can improve their situation through upbeat attitudes. An author, in his book Selfie, unpacks how the capitalist fallacy of equal opportunities fuels much of self-help culture.

Nevertheless, I still feel remains convinced that if I work hard and glue together a sturdy vision board, I ought to attain my most ambitious goals: the single obstacle to my future lies within myself. Where can I locate a point of equilibrium, a balance between believing that I am capable of anything but am not responsible for every failure?

The Key Resides in Modesty

The answer, according to Saint Augustine, a theologian from ancient Africa, involves modesty. He noted that modesty was the foundation of all other virtues, and that for those pursuing divinity “the initial step requires modesty; the second, modesty; the final, humility”.

As someone who left the church in my case, the term modesty may trigger multiple adverse reactions. I grew up during a period in Catholicism when caring about your looks equated to narcissism; physical attraction was unacceptable outside of procreation; and just thinking about masturbation was deemed a transgression.

I doubt that the saint meant this, but throughout much of my life, I conflated “meekness” with guilt.

Constructive Meekness Does Not Involve Self-Hatred

Embracing modesty, as per mental health expert Ravi Chandra, does not mean hating oneself. A person with balanced humility is proud of their capabilities and successes while recognizing that knowledge is infinite. He defines eight kinds of humility: cultural humility; meekness across ages; intellectual humility; awareness of limits; recognition of room for growth; meekness in insight; humility of awe; and meekness during hardship.

Mental health investigations has likewise discovered multiple perks stemming from intellectual humility, including increased toughness, acceptance and relatedness.

Humility in Practice

During my career in spiritual support roles in aged care, I now think about humility as the act of being present to the other. Modesty is an act of re-grounding: coming back, breath by breath, to the carpet beneath my shoes and the human being before me.

There are some residents who recount to me repeated tales drawn from their experiences, time after time, whenever we meet. Instead of watching the clock, I attempt to hear. I work to keep an open mind. What lessons are there from this individual and the narratives they cherish when so much else has gone?

Creative Quietude

I try to live with the philosophical approach which expert Huston Smith described as “inventive calm”. Ancient Chinese sages advise people to silence the self and reside in sync with the flow of creation.

This might be especially relevant as humans seek to repair the destruction people have inflicted upon Earth. As written in her work Fathoms: The World in the Whale, author Rebecca Giggs explains that being humble enables us to reunite with “the inner creature, the creature that quakes in the face of the unknown". Adopting a stance of modesty, of ignorance, helps us recall our species is a part of an expansive system.

The Elegance of Modesty

There exists an emptiness and despair that comes with thinking everything is possible: triumph – if it involves getting rich, shedding pounds, or securing an election – transforms into the single permissible result. Modesty permits dignity and setbacks. I am humble, grounded in reality, which means the essentials are available to develop.