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Being a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, mostly pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, however I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men once more.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently resulting in lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I want a partner to love me while letting me remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.

Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to handle various forms of intimate connections as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter someone who provides a transformative opportunity to you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Try to be present in your relationships, and see the value of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen true intimacy with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American therapy professional focusing on addressing sexual disorders.